Occupy Dreams

As if frozen in time -- in timelessness -- are the dreams that we occupy... Dreams of love and lovers... and dreams of one who adores... and dreams of loving enough to massage every suffering and pain into a living bliss and radiance -- not just for one, but for everyone -- and dreams of a daily discovery of meaning and purpose in work, in passion, in creativity: in an increase of the beauty of the world... To have occupied one of these dreams, or perhaps more... perhaps even each of these dreams is to have been touched by wonder and grace: a deep satisfaction of soul that is life at its core: "Welcome Home!"

"Welcome Home!" And how to let go of a dream... How to say goodbye to that which was that satisfaction of soul: the work that was one's meaning and purpose? The only thing that works is a redefinition of "the work that was one's meaning and purpose" into a genuine spirituality of non-attachment: the steady purification of means and ends into -- solely -- "My occupation is love. It is all I do." (St. John of the Cross) As the saying goes, "the rubber hits the road" exactly here, in the recognition of one's ultimate powerlessness. So, for me, for thirty years I "worked" feeding the hungry: and steadily expanding that definition to include shelters, outreach projects, summer camps for children, micro-enterprises, tutoring, health clinics, art galleries, and finally, the "Dorothy Day House of Peace"...

For better than two years, a changing core of community workers engaged with Soledad Street Homeless to "increase their capacity for life": planning for the "homeless solution" of permanent supportive housing. I've written about it a bit in the page entitled "Organizing". What a blessing it was to begin moving folks from the street into their home -- talk about "occupying a dream"! Pam thought we were lying to her, "You don't really mean that I get a home again do you?" "Yes, Pam! This is your home! We've written our Charter together! You just have to follow through, just like us!" The few months that Michelle and I and our children, along with community members Brittany and Audrey, lived in the House of Peace were the best months of my life! Holy Moly, "love is all I do"! And then the blessing of a sabbatical -- and saying goodbye...

I thought that I'd be back -- I needed the break, as the organization needed some time without "Robert"... Eventually, "going back" proved to be an impossibility: but the House of Peace had Brittany and Audrey and my 30 years "in the bank"... And as in all things, changes happen: organizations re-invent themselves... Grace and charism: change? Do they move on? Perhaps to also re-invent themselves... So from partnership and collaboration to the hierarchy of "Executive Director": from intentional community gathered around a common vision, to paid employees with exact job descriptions: so giving a day to getting an addict to the hospital and staying with him so he doesn't run away back to the street no longer "justifies on-going employment"... and "permanent supportive housing" is suddenly just a temporary shelter (the current fundraising gold-star): and it turns out that Pam was right after-all: we were lying: for she now has a transition date back onto the streets of Chinatown...

Engulfed with sadness and a depressive sense of failure, it is all that I can do to surrender to the Spirit that prompted those first 65 sandwiches that began the "work of feeding the hungry in Salinas"... There is no "rubber to hit the road" here... there is only a shattering that leaves me to simply occupy a dream... But I remind myself that love is not, ever, to be judged as either a "success" or a "failure": that is way to easy, and that is not how the Spirit moves. Instead, the Spirit is all about every very simple act of loving: without needing anything in return: love can be what we do... our one occupation... Not needing to justify the hours given to "just one" addict to an "Executive Director", we are freed to love to the best of our ability! Looking around, it is obvious that a very great many people do not believe in love -- as it is also obvious that this world is being torn and raped by folks who pursue power and privilege: from the small-scale of local non-profits to vast systems of violence and oppression -- and yet, and yet...

Michelle and I still occupy the gift of our love and our dreams: so, who knows? Maybe some one or two others will want to "occupy a dream" with us and we'll begin something new here in the Midwest? In any case, so long as "love is our one occupation", we will continue the one task that is the destiny of every human being: becoming love... In the long run -- even though the Chinatown streets can never be for anyone a "Welcome Home" -- this Love is the only home worthy of Pam... and you...